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When the Things That Used to Work Stop Working
There’s a kind of tired that sleep doesn’t always fix.
I know because I’ve had plenty of mornings when I’ve thought:
I went to bed early.
I slept.
Why am I still so tired?
Or afternoons at the practice when I look at the clock around 3 PM and think, seriously?
For a long time, my response was pretty predictable.
More coffee.
Push through.
Get the next thing done.
Rest later.
Except later usually came with kids, sports, work, parents, or whatever else needed me next.
What I didn’t really consider was this:
Maybe my body wasn’t asking me to push harder.
Maybe it was trying to tell me something.
The rules started changing
For years, I felt like I knew my body pretty well.
I knew how much sleep I needed. I knew how hard I could push. I knew what kind of workout made me feel good. And if I had a crazy week, I could usually recover over the weekend and start again Monday.
Then somewhere along the way, some of those things stopped working the same way.
The same amount of sleep didn’t always feel like enough.
A workout that used to energize me could leave me exhausted.
Coffee sometimes made me feel more edgy than awake.
And then there were the nights when I’d fall asleep just fine and suddenly find myself wide awake at 3 AM.
Nothing was wrong.
The house was quiet.
Everyone was fine.
And apparently my brain had decided this was the ideal time to think about my kids, my parents, the practice, something I said three days ago, and something I might need to do six months from now.
At first, I kept thinking I needed to get back to the old version of myself.
How do I get my energy back?
How do I sleep like I used to?
How do I get back to normal?
But I’m starting to think maybe that isn’t the question.
Maybe the question is:
What does my body need now?
Not only what I’ve done, but what I’ve carried
The physical changes are only part of it.
There’s also life.
Kids growing up.
Parents getting older.
Work changing.
Marriage evolving.
Our own identity shifting underneath all of it.
That’s one of the strange things about this Half Nester™ season.
From the outside, life can actually look easier in some ways.
The kids are more independent. You’ve built the career. You’re not in the little-kid years anymore.
So why can you still feel completely depleted?
I’ve asked myself that too.
And I’m realizing that our bodies don’t only respond to what we accomplished that day.
They respond to what we carried.
The child you’re worried about.
The parent whose health is changing.
The decision sitting in the back of your mind.
The conversation you keep replaying.
The question you haven’t quite answered yet about what you want next.
That can be a lot, even when nobody else sees it.
So lately, when I hit that afternoon wall, I’ve been trying to ask myself something different:
What have I actually carried today?
Not only what have I done.
What have I carried?
Sometimes the answer surprises me.
Sometimes the answer is simply: a lot.
My body isn’t the problem
There are also very real changes that happen to our bodies during perimenopause and menopause.
Sleep can change. Energy can change. Mood and recovery can change. Sometimes we simply don’t feel the way we did ten years ago.
I wish we talked about that more openly.
Because when you don’t understand what’s happening, it’s really easy to turn it into a judgment about yourself.
Why can’t I handle this anymore?
Why am I so tired?
Why do I feel different?
Instead, I’m trying to get curious.
Is this something I need to pay attention to?
Do I need more recovery?
Do I need to change something?
Do I need to talk with someone who understands this stage of women’s health?
Listening to your body doesn’t mean ignoring something that feels off.
It means taking yourself seriously enough to notice.
I’m still learning this too
I’ve spent a lot of my life being really good at pushing through.
I think a lot of women are.
We compensate.
We organize.
We drink the coffee.
We keep everyone moving.
And often, we can do that for a very long time.
But just because I can push through doesn’t always mean I should.
That’s something I’m still learning.
My body isn’t an inconvenience I need to work around.
It’s part of the conversation.
I still have days when I push too hard.
I still sometimes think another cup of coffee will solve everything.
But I’m paying attention in a way I didn’t before.
And maybe that’s the shift.
Not fixing everything.
Just getting curious enough to listen.
That’s why one of the first ideas inside Half Nester is Your Body Is a Messenger.
If any of this feels familiar, that first lesson is open and free. No card needed.
Maybe it gives you a place to start listening too.
With gratitude
Valerie